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Paybacks Can be Soooo Sweet Revenge!

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Col. Batguano

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We've all heard the expression; payback is a b**ch. As sweet as the actual act is, the plotting of them (or against whom). is even more fun.

For example; I once had a next door neighbor who was a real slob. I mean P-I-G. -- Obnoxious. You know the type. The type that everyone dreads that they move in next door to, and is NEVER on the Realtor's description of the property when you are buying it. They blow their nose in their hand and wipe it off on your door knob. Get the picture?

So, consistent with that; He came home (probably drunk) one night and didn't like how I had parked my brand new Suburban in my driveway, about 6" over the shared property line on our shared alley driveway. Rather than drive around it, or knock on my door and ask me to move it, he just let her rip and pushed it on to my property, bashing in the door, bumper, and quarter panel. I confronted him about it, and he admitted it. I didn't want to start a war (because pets can wind up drinking anti-freeze and houses can burn when that happens), so I just got it repaired under my insurance and shut up.

But I NEVER forgot about it. That WAS the last straw! This meant WAR!

Revenge is a dish best served COLD.

So....., biding my time......, about a year later I was (archery) spring bear hunting in Ontario. I got a bear. If you've ever skinned out a bear's feet and paws (without the claws) they look remarkably like human hands and feet.

So the night before garbage pickup day, I put them out next to his garbage cans. Plenty of blood around. Like clockwork, the garbage man came around 5:30 am. I could hear him, stopped there in the alley. And he stayed there. .... About 15 minutes later, 3 police cars showed up at his house. Loud knock on the door---open up--POLICE! They busted in and hauled the guy out of his house in his skivvies. (It was about 50 degrees outside.) and sat him down on the sidewalk for about 1/2 hour, and then hauled him off to jail in cuffs. I was snickering in my bedroom right next door. (Since MN doesn't have a spring bear season I knew they wouldn't think of that.)

That night on the local news (if if bleeds it leads) they broadcast the predictable story; "local man arrested in grisly human dismemberment --unknown victim murder case." (This was about the same time all the Dahmer stuff was going on.) It continued to lead the news for a couple days, and was all over the local papers. I was "luvin' it"! Then, a couple of days later the (small print) redaction; "Local dismemberment case turns out to be a case of bear parts left near a dumpster. Arrested suspect released."

But I got my "Payback", and it was soooo sweet.

What great "paybacks" have you guys done? Enquiring minds want to know.
 
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What the heck, I'll add a story in a post to keep this thread alive.

I was first married, living in one of my parents rent houses in the early 90's. I liked my neighbors, they lived there about a year, I never said a word to them, they never said a word to me. As they say, all good things must come to an end and in a matter of days we had new neighbors. Some punk and his girlfriend moved in. Shortly after there was an early 70's Ford truck blocking my mail box, every day. So, figuring they worked 2nd shift, I stayed up and asked the owner of the truck who car pooled with the new neighbor to "please park someplace else, I've not been getting my mail". The owner of gave a snotty reply "sounds like your problem". I explained to him in a less than friendly voice "park your truck in the driveway when your friend backs out, park it in the alley, but don't park it in front of my mail box tomorrow". The next day when I got off work at 5pm, lo and behold the truck was parked in my driveway. So, I parked my 77 Ford behind his old Ford, got out and crawled under his truck, disconnected the shift linkage and put his truck in neutral. Crawled out from under his truck and threw the shift linkage bar as far as I could throw it. Then hopped into my truck and proceeded to push his truck out of the way bumper to bumper style. I pushed the truck so it blocked out their driveway. About 1030pm I went outside and had a seat on the front porch and waited for them to get home from work at 11p. A little after 11pm the two punks showed up. The one got out to move the truck so the other could park in their driveway. I stood up because I didn't want to miss the show. The punk hops into the truck, starts it and attempts shift gears, but nothing would happen. They later pushed the truck into the driveway having never said a single word to me. Needless to say, the truck was never parked in front of my mail box again.
 
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We've all heard the expression; payback is a b**ch. As sweet as the actual act is, the plotting of them (or against whom). is even more fun.

For example; I once had a next door neighbor who was a real slob. I mean P-I-G. -- Obnoxious. You know the type. The type that everyone dreads that they move in next door to, and is NEVER on the Realtor's description of the property when you are buying it. They blow their nose in their hand and wipe it off on your door knob. Get the picture?

So, consistent with that; He came home (probably drunk) one night and didn't like how I had parked my brand new Suburban in my driveway, about 6" over the shared property line on our shared alley driveway. Rather than drive around it, or knock on my door and ask me to move it, he just let her rip and pushed it on to my property, bashing in the door, bumper, and quarter panel. I confronted him about it, and he admitted it. I didn't want to start a war (because pets can wind up drinking anti-freeze and houses can burn when that happens), so I just got it repaired under my insurance and shut up.

But I NEVER forgot about it. That WAS the last straw! This meant WAR!

Revenge is a dish best served COLD.

So....., biding my time......, about a year later I was (archery) spring bear hunting in Ontario. I got a bear. If you've ever skinned out a bear's feet and paws (without the claws) they look remarkably like human hands and feet.

So the night before garbage pickup day, I put them out next to his garbage cans. Plenty of blood around. Like clockwork, the garbage man came around 5:30 am. I could hear him, stopped there in the alley. And he stayed there. .... About 15 minutes later, 3 police cars showed up at his house. Loud knock on the door---open up--POLICE! They busted in and hauled the guy out of his house in his skivvies. (It was about 50 degrees outside.) and sat him down on the sidewalk for about 1/2 hour, and then hauled him off to jail in cuffs. I was snickering in my bedroom right next door. (Since MN doesn't have a spring bear season I knew they wouldn't think of that.)

That night on the local news (if if bleeds it leads) they broadcast the predictable story; "local man arrested in grisly human dismemberment --unknown victim murder case." (This was about the same time all the Dahmer stuff was going on.) It continued to lead the news for a couple days, and was all over the local papers. I was "luvin' it"! Then, a couple of days later the (small print) redaction; "Local dismemberment case turns out to be a case of bear parts left near a dumpster. Arrested suspect released."

But I got my "Payback", and it was soooo sweet.

What great "paybacks" have you guys done? Enquiring minds want to know.
The worst thing I have ever done for payback is smash Limburger Cheese into a radiator in July. Semper Fi.
 
Posted this on another thread, but maybe it belongs here instead:

Somebody did something a bit over thirty years ago in Iraq that sticks with me to this very day... I still have an occasional nightmare. I heard about it the next day... right after being issued an M16 and a full combat load for it. I went to have a "talk" with this individual. He did not enjoy being awakened by somebody kicking his cot, but when he finally opened his eyes to see me holding a weapon while standing in his tent, I had his full attention for a few minutes. We had a talk... I talked, he listened and didn't say much.

I did not see him again for quite some time as he went home early and I came home on a ship.

Over the years I heard about calamity after calamity that had happened to him. It started with his wife leaving him for another man and the last thing I heard was that he'd been standing in a puddle of oil when a high voltage wire fell into the puddle. Nobody could get to him and it took some while to get the power shut off, so his spine was damaged. I gather that he can only stand for a minute or two at a time and can barely walk these days, even with all the pain pills he has to take just to function at all.

I could have taken my vengeance back then, but I'd have gone to Leavenworth for the rest of my life. Some days I wonder if it might have been worth it... but that action would have caused pain and grief for others. In any case, most days, I am glad I slung the weapon and went off to join JTF Bravo in another city. My vengeance would have been pretty bad, but God is ever so much better at vengeance than we are.
 
So I was the middle of a street doing my job one day when two mutts and a Rotty came out the guys yard and attacked me. I timed my punch at the rotty just about perfect and smacked him on top of the head hard enough to stun him bad and bruise the bottom of my wrist for weeks. He did hit me and got a small bite. The other two were followers and when he dropped out I was able to kick the SH_T out of them.

So the lady comes out of the house and sees me in the street with her rotty wobbling around and the other two pooches warily watching from several yards away and starts to cuss me. I asked for yer insurance info and explained that as a dog lover I was not out to sue them but wanted to file a med pay claim (where the home owners insurance pays medical bills and no liability claim is opened and srates do not go up). Got cussed.

Called county animal control and they showed up and sternly reminded her about "other incidents" and at this tme a second MUCH LARGER rotty shows up from behind the home. He slept through the whole thing on the back porch or I am betting an ambulanve may have been involved if not worse.

So Mr Animal control advised her that she would have to have her animal quarantined off site (per "other incidents" and that a daily fee was involved. He turned to me and asked, "so which one was it that bit you"?

I just smiled and said they both looked alike to me so she got to pay double. Talk about a cussing fit as he took his hook and drug em one at a time to the truck (she wouldnt help him load and he advised she step aside as if one attacked as he loaded the other he would use his side arm).

Then i went to my local Atty and said to have a good time with it. That my friends is how I got the down payment for our first home.

Now recall, even though she was a nasty you know what all I asked for was med pay in the beginning. Thats how fast being a HO can go from not raising yer insurance rates to costing ya nearly a grand in county dog pound fees and getting a non renewal and paying for high risk coverage. AND having BOTH yer dogs listed as viscious so ANY OTHER incident would result in euthanasia court ordered.

HEHEHE
 
We've all heard the expression; payback is a b**ch. As sweet as the actual act is, the plotting of them (or against whom). is even more fun.

For example; I once had a next door neighbor who was a real slob. I mean P-I-G. -- Obnoxious. You know the type. The type that everyone dreads that they move in next door to, and is NEVER on the Realtor's description of the property when you are buying it. They blow their nose in their hand and wipe it off on your door knob. Get the picture?

So, consistent with that; He came home (probably drunk) one night and didn't like how I had parked my brand new Suburban in my driveway, about 6" over the shared property line on our shared alley driveway. Rather than drive around it, or knock on my door and ask me to move it, he just let her rip and pushed it on to my property, bashing in the door, bumper, and quarter panel. I confronted him about it, and he admitted it. I didn't want to start a war (because pets can wind up drinking anti-freeze and houses can burn when that happens), so I just got it repaired under my insurance and shut up.

But I NEVER forgot about it. That WAS the last straw! This meant WAR!

Revenge is a dish best served COLD.

So....., biding my time......, about a year later I was (archery) spring bear hunting in Ontario. I got a bear. If you've ever skinned out a bear's feet and paws (without the claws) they look remarkably like human hands and feet.

So the night before garbage pickup day, I put them out next to his garbage cans. Plenty of blood around. Like clockwork, the garbage man came around 5:30 am. I could hear him, stopped there in the alley. And he stayed there. .... About 15 minutes later, 3 police cars showed up at his house. Loud knock on the door---open up--POLICE! They busted in and hauled the guy out of his house in his skivvies. (It was about 50 degrees outside.) and sat him down on the sidewalk for about 1/2 hour, and then hauled him off to jail in cuffs. I was snickering in my bedroom right next door. (Since MN doesn't have a spring bear season I knew they wouldn't think of that.)

That night on the local news (if if bleeds it leads) they broadcast the predictable story; "local man arrested in grisly human dismemberment --unknown victim murder case." (This was about the same time all the Dahmer stuff was going on.) It continued to lead the news for a couple days, and was all over the local papers. I was "luvin' it"! Then, a couple of days later the (small print) redaction; "Local dismemberment case turns out to be a case of bear parts left near a dumpster. Arrested suspect released."

But I got my "Payback", and it was soooo sweet.

What great "paybacks" have you guys done? Enquiring minds want to know.
That should be an embarrassment to re-tell.
The difference is, his offense to you was in your face and he didn’t back down from it. Of course his act was wrong but he did not shrink away from his actions.
You, on the other hand we’re cowardly. You took your retribution but never confronted him. Shameful and embarrassing.
 
Bought a 1962 triumph trophy trail in superb shape from a cocky young guy who said the engine is shot. After talking to him awhile he mentioned that he’d just “done the valves” but it must’ve blown as he shut it off. I kicked it through and you could hear the springs groan under compression. It seems, after asking him,his idea of adjusting valves was to crank them down until you couldn’t anymore. He told me how his dad bought him this one and he’d buy him another but better. I asked if he’d help get it up the ramp into the truck and he laughed and said hell no, I don’t do manual labor. Okay… I hadn’t planned to adjust the valves and start it in front of him (I was pretty sure she’d start just fine). So I did all four valves, tickled the carb and she started first kick. I rode it up the ramp and as I was tying it down he came out of the house and wanted his bike back. I said “I don’t do refunds” finished tying it down and drove off to the sweet sound of his whiny complaining.
 
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